As the day comes to an end things start to come together in my mind.
Last night I had a dream that, when I woke, left me wondering who it was trying to get into the room with me in my dream. I couldn't tell you all the details leading up to it, but what I will say, I had locked myself in a room, hiding in a corner willing the mystery person out and away from me. I was alone aside from this person trying to get in. Though they weren't actively trying to break down the door, rather they were searching for me. It was dark, the images and feeling. There was a very faint light that allowed for me to track the being through the crack in the door. I focused hard on it as it wavered on the other side of the door. Standing between me and freedom of escape from whatever the being is or represented. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and opened my eyes to find a faith light and no being. I took a moment before approaching the door. As I placed my hand on the handle listening carefully, I closed my eyes again taking a moment before chancing facing the daunting unknown negative being. As I gripped the handle tightly i made the decision to turn the knob, before my muscles caught up with my intention, I woke wide awake.
Through out the day I've felt distracted. It was snowing outside which for the first time in my life prompted me to want to shovel, telling myself it was for my dog. I did. I decided I needed to run to the store, spent the time trying to get out of my driveway. I went to the first store, I felt scattered. By the time I checked out I was on guard, from what I don't know. I drove to the next store, prior to parking I felt the need to continuously check behind me, not taking a direct path to my destination. Inside the store I felt the need to be aware of everything. Pausing repeatedly to "think" about what I needed. I felt like I was being watched. I've had the feeling before but the last time I had the feeling this strong, a break in occurred at my neighbor's and the police told him they had to have" been watching us for months." By the time I checked out I felt as though I couldn't bring myself to look at anyone in the face but the cashier, totally out of my nature. As I walked out of the store, I felt the safest as I followed on the heals of an older gentleman walking to him car. I had to get in my car as fast as possible and lock the door. I chose to fore go putting the bags in the trunk and threw them in my front seat with me, only one door to open, close, and lock. As I backed up, there was a black figure outside my rear passenger window, when I turned away and back again it was gone. All I could do is continue to say, "not now." A phone call to a friend and a rush in the snow home, I've continued to be on edge.
I have a lot of stress at the moment, but it isn't a stress panic, it's a something else. Past that I don't have much I can say, other than I need to do something to keep myself ahead of this darkness. In part I know it is a warning of some kind, in other, I know there is a truth to it.
